Thursday, January 20, 2011

1. Start a Twitter account in hopes that someone you’re following will “tweet” a job posting at you.

2. Use Skype often to chat with European friends. Feel tempted to move to Europe because of said friends. Dream of finding a job with a residence permit in such a shitty economy.

3. Read copious amounts of The Atlantic, NPR, New York Times, Thought Catalog, Newsweek, and Gawker.

4. Think about teaching English in foreign countries because you actually don’t know what to do with your life.

5. Make collages and doodle in your daily Moleskine agenda, covering a vast amount of pages you will never use.

6. Window shop for clothing online, preferably from the USA where you can't even bother to pay duties & customs.

7. Send expensive packages to friends in Europe.

8. Go to free screenings. Feel "cultured" after watching said screenings, which are usually experimental, avant garde and in other languages.

9. Make plans with friends to see movies and shows with cover, only to cancel on them later because you can’t afford to do either.

10. Pretend to look for jobs but instead watch episodes of Breaking Bad and Skins.

11. Tell yourself you’re going to learn InDesign, and don’t learn it.

12. Play Scrabble on Facebook.

13. Try not to resort to unpaid internships that will further confuse and complicate your career goals.

14. Think about going back to school for something practical and, like, totally relevant to your life, only to end up resorting to an unpaid internship.

15. Scratch your plans for school because you can "teach yourself" whatever you want to learn. Feel bad because you actually can't teach yourself due to your lack of motivation.

16. Mope over the vast amount of entry-level jobs that don’t exist; dream about taking a contract job that will leave you unemployed again in a couple of months.

17. Look at flights online when they are on sale. Especially from Iceland Air. Remind yourself that it's probably not a good idea to spend all of your savings on airfare. Ignore the $199 flight from Halifax to Iceland. Pretend you never saw it.

18. Feel like you have been unemployed for half a year, even though it has only been one month.

19. Make sure your friends know you're out of work so they can pay for your drinks and appetizers kindly. Really, you don't have to do that.

20. Understand that you have all the time in the world to start up projects, but due to the lack of routine and scheduling in your life, don't do anything because it's too hard and complicated.

21. Remain sedentary until required to go to the gym for ABSession or yoga. Try not to eat a lot of chocolate (oh, but all that serotonin!).

22. Comment on every single Facebook status update ever.

23. Sleep in every day, because you don't have anything else to do.

24. Watch movies and then don't write reviews about them, even if they are extremely compelling or controversial. Even if you want to write reviews about them. Examples: Enter the Void, Fish Tank and The Social Network. Instead, in 140 characters or less, mention them to your friends on Facebook and Twitter.

25. Feel depressed after writing a cover letter and resume you know no one will read.

26. Clean out your entire room and make an huge Box of Things to Sell on Ebay. Make a price list. Be serious about photographing all of those clothes you don't want anymore. Realize that no one will buy your shit, even if it's from Rodarte's Target collection, because you have zero feedback. Feel disgruntled by shipping packages out of your home as a way to make a living.

27. Remember that job searching is a soul-sucking, self-esteem-robbing process that everyone goes through. And you are not alone. And you can't get a job even though you have had three *paid* internships in your field(s). What's wrong with you?!

28. Consider illegal activities like dealing drugs and prostitution to make money until you find a real, socially acceptable job.

29. Go to the library during the day to hang out with seniors and students. This is where unemployed people spend most of their time.

30. Try not to email ex-colleagues, begging them for a job. Blame the economy for your desperation.

31. Consider moving back to Asia which seems to be the only place where anyone makes money these days. Or is it?

32. Stare at your book collection often. Especially that seemingly unedited James Franco book, "Palo Alto". It has a nice spine.

33. Feel unaccomplished, even though you truly aren't.

34. Try not to cry every day out of boredom.

35. Remember that you at least have your BA in Something Totally Useless, and that is at least something to feel good about. It's another accomplishment out of the way. Another stepping stone. Wait, I'm starting to sound too positive...


  1. i recognise myself in this too much.

    #36. remain upbeat!

  2. I got 3 words for you: Teach English Abroad :)

  3. I can relate to this SO SO SO SO much, I won't even list all the points. I think you should teach abroad too. That is what I'm going to do if I don't get into grad school at McGill. We need to hang! Come see Blue Valentine with me sometime soon!

  4. 24. Watch movies and then don't write reviews about them, even if they are extremely compelling or controversial. Even if you want to write reviews about them. Examples: Enter the Void, Fish Tank and The Social Network. Instead, in 140 characters or less, mention them to your friends on Facebook and Twitter.


    I have a Tumblr devoted to reviews of movies I watch while stoned, which I evaluate on how good they are to watch while under that particular influence. Except I can't get myself to post with any sort of regularity. "You're not funny enough to be on the internet, Juliana. Go to sleep. Wake up, then start getting used to being average."

    I feel like the only difference between my sitch & yours right now is my feedback rating. I've got, like, 100+ stars on you. Biiiiaaaatch!!

  5. Just stumbled on your blog from Matador.

    HO-LY shit girl you are in my head.


    I can totally relate to the consider-going-to-Asia-to-teach-because-I-can't-find-anything-else option!

  6. Hate to reincarnate an old post by making a fresh comment, but I couldn't agree more! Even when I had a job I felt the same way - if anything, it was more soul-sucking and mind-crushing to be honest. The same old 8-5 day in and day out, doing the same things, sitting in the same chair, reading the same emails, talking to the same people, staring at the same yellow rubber ducky stuck upside down on the ceiling (don't ask because I can't answer that one!) But now I have "freedom", well at least until my bank balance dries up, and all the time in the world to contemplate what I'm going to do with my life.

    Teaching English is looking quite promising. Plus one for originality there.